I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
