I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Randomize
