There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You need Xanax blowdarts
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
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