I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
