Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Randomize
