Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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