She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
I got inside last night via doggy door
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
Randomize
