I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
Randomize