I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
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