Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
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