All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
Randomize
