At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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