i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
it's like heaven, but drunker
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
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