Where did you get a picture of my penis
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
Dignity is for republicans.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
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