I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
