I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
Randomize
