it hurts more in the daytime
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
Randomize
