We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Randomize
