there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
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