so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
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