i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
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you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
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