My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now Heβs Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
πππ what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize