get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
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