her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
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