I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
