I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
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1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
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The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket