Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
This Girl Got Ghosted By Her BF Of 5 Years While On A Trip They Took For Her Birthday
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
People Are Applauding Chrissy Teigen For Getting Candid About Breast-Pumping
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.