just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
23 Bosses Confess The Craziest Thing They’ve Seen An Employee Do
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
19 People Confess What It’s Like To Have Sex With Someone That Is Transitioning
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.