also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
