put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
Randomize
