good thing vaginas are great cup holders
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
Randomize
