What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
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