this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
Randomize
