Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
