it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
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