Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
Randomize
