She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
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