i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
and i looked up. we had an audience...
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
I need water and some morals
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
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