I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
Blood and glitter go together right?
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
