so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
