Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
Randomize
