I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
She even gives head with a lisp.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
Randomize
