she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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