I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
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