My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
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