so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
Girls should come with a carfax report
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
Randomize
