Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
is that a dick in a sweater?
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
