Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
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