So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
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