I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
Randomize
