where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
This ain't no lie cnn says sonny n cher's dtr chastity is going to have sex reassignment surgery to become a man named chaz
Not surprised. I always thought Cher was a very passable post op transexual.
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
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