i always forget guys have bellybuttons
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
Randomize
