How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
Randomize
