we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
