in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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