You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
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