Who wears a wallet chain?!
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
23 People Confess Why They Don’t Talk To Their Best Friend Anymore
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
These 17 Delivery Dudes Suck At Their Jobs But Are Winning At Life
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.