i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
These 25 People Forgave their Significant Others for Saying Stupid Things
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy