"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
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We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
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One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
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