I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
Randomize
