the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
Randomize
