I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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