i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Randomize
