In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Randomize
