Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
Randomize
