normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
you're hired as official boob wrangler
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
