ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
