Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
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