I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
