if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
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