Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
Randomize
