Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
