He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
I'm just crazy horny about you
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
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